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Thursday, July 27th, 2006
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Friday, August 19th, 2005
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so yea for the past week its been me and sam.. and i'd like to take a few minutes and let everyone know what she means to me,
the past two years she has been everything to me, best friend, sister, hell even fiance. now dont get me wrong, im gay, but i love her more then anything in this world..
shes been my shoulder for all my rough times, shes my strength when the world is to much to bear, we both have been their for eachother for all the hard times, and all the drama, but most of all, the memories, of drag racing, eating mcdonalds on smelly grass outside A cvs. to way back listing to her and mozer make "nasty kissing noises"
kings park is home..not exactly. knowing that sam is a block away is home. knowing that ima visit her for no reason is home..without her, this place is going to be forign. it wont have the same feeling to it knowing that shes not here.
i love all my friends dearly, but sam, you are so much more then that, you have always been their for me, and i cant really repay you for it, but i hope you know that ill always be their for you, no matter if you are in hartfart.
i dont know what i would ever do without you in my life,
i love you sami
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Thursday, August 18th, 2005
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so im kind of happy with my situation.. like actually happy..
like i dont have a relationship or anything..but i have someone? even if it is really casual, like its still something, and im not going to complain, cause i always had bad relationships, or just horribly emo because of no relationship, this is a nice change for once, its just fun, like i can kiss him when i want to, and just iono, he makes me feel good about myself, and i havnt for so very long.
and confession..hes the first boy ive ever fallen asleep with, like cuddling, and ive never been able to do that, and i did with him, just sleep. and theirs something about him that im just relaxed around him, i actually can be myself.
i'm not sure whats going to come out of this, and truthfully, i dont care i just like being happy, and having fun, its nice.
august 21st is finch, i think somethings gonna happen iono..i have a bbaaad feelin
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Monday, August 15th, 2005
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i am tired and really sore,
not exactly sure whats going on in my life at the moment everything is really confusing
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Thursday, June 30th, 2005
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ok i just,
got contact with johnson and wales,
is 15,000 a year in loans bad
should i do it
deadline is july 8th
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Saturday, June 11th, 2005
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ive been depressed all night
and i finally figured it out
why im so upset
its because
im falling for you..so hard..
and you wont be mine..
you "for" me
but not with me.
i can say that yea i have someone
but i cant say your my boyfriend cause you have other guys
and all i have is you
and im happy with that, you make me so happy, and i dont know what im going to do.
if you cant be happy having just me
if you need someone else
i guess its ok
i dont want to start straw
i dont want to be like that
but i do want you. so badly
i havnt wanted anyone like i want you.
what makes a man a man
what makes a boy a boy
wheres the line
that defines the both
am i a man
or a boy playing make believe
am i in love
or just pretending to be
can i believe my heart
or is it that my heart just doesnt believe me
can i say you love me
or can i say you're just fooling me
is it the value of life im losing
or is life losing its value to me.
all these questions going unanswered
or maybe..
all these answeres without a question.
baby, whyd you have to leave
you warmed me up
cooled my hot blood
healed my small cuts
fixed my torn wings
without you im falling
am i a man like i want to believe
or am i just a boy playing make believe.
im a pretender, but baby
just pretend with me
just let me know
pretend with me
just one night
that you're mine.
that you're not just "For" me.
But you're with me..no matter how far you are.
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people keep asking me whats wrong, so i figure i'll just let whomever reads this thing IF anyone does know..
Im so tired and so fucking done with the fucking situations i get myself into, its always that i like someone who is so completly unobtainable and this time im in over my head.
i like vance, but vance likes jon and me, and justin....
and like..what the fuck do i do..
sometimes vance treats me like im his bf sometimes he treats me like im getting in the way of him and jon, and earlier today he refered to how his and jons friendship got better
JAe;faksdjfnasl; dkjnfa;sldkj nfa;lskdjn f;askdf;ioawefn;waijn;dskn;cvasjkdaf;w;ief;weiu h4829t23qp4uht q423tewn q;jefnasdmfgasdf.jkvbakjsdvaskdjfv b.asdfjgn lasjdk fasdljk bfvasdkjbfasl,djb as dfavbasdfvasmdn kxjcvhuiaewygfhbwerf wlf
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK IM SO FUCKING DONE SO FUCKING DONE
bleh...
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dont know why i try..
anyone have an idea why i try.
itd be much appriceated..
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the only thing i have to say to you, and i hope you know who you are.
is that im going to change for you..ill show you im not like the rest of them..
im not going to give up..not on you
im not going to make the same mistake..
im happy with you
i smile with you..
and this is how it should be.
ill be better just for you.
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well
I
dont
know
Wat
to say
why does simple things like two people liking eachother become complicated?
complication is the over analysis of a situation, the inability to be selfish and do what ever makes you happy.
i want to be selfish...
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im in a great mood, and i dont know why lol.
I GOT SO DRUNK LAST NITE!!! OMG amazing fucking scott threw an amazing party and everyone was fucking their and omg im actually human this morning which is pretty chill.
Later boyos
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Wednesday, May 11th, 2005
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| Subject: | Hm |
| Time: | 4:28 pm. |
| Mood: |  Bubbly. | | Music: | Avril-nobodys home. |
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i guess it has been a bit since i last updated so what can i say, things have been going ok>
this last weekend has to be one of the best in a really long time, i got to see my best friend jon, and we hung out on friday we as in me him sam p. and vance went to ligaly i had such an amazingly fucking great time. vance is a great dancer and we get along grand, im really happy that he is my prom date
saterday i went tux shopping didnt find anything to great so i didnt get anything then worked then hung out with jon and T. sundday hung out with jon till he left, and that was sad cause parents were around so i couldnt say i love him, lol its the simple things.
lets see monday was boring i called in sick to work and slept all day. the murals coming out nicely should be done soon.
yesterday was boring nothing intreasting, school.drivers ed. and phone with vance.
today i got out of work again so i could hang out with vance, hes picking me up at 5 30.
i really wish he didnt have a bf, cause i dont know whats going through this boys head haha he is so hard to read but w/e hes cool and a great friend thats all i need anyway.
Not alot new today i didnt go to school, i slept in then spent alot of time outside on the hammock or on the phone with vance.
i couldnt tell you, why she felt that way, she felt everyday,
and i couldnt help her i just watched her make the same mistakes again
whats wrong now, too many problems
dont know where she belongs
she wants to go home
but no bodys home
its where she lies
broken inside
with no place to gooo
with no place to gooooo
to dry her eyes.
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Pants put me in a good mood
hahahaha "surprise"
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so heres the topper to my week
i cant go to johnson and wales university, the fasfa forms got "messed" up so im stuck going to suffolk cause i can not afford 22,000 a semester.
it was the onlything i was really looking foward to, and that just has been taken away from me, and i dont know what im gonna do. I got nothing at the moment.
my mom feels guilty so shes buying me a new comp and a cable modem for my room, and paying more for a car.
atleast its something
i asked my friend dan to the prom, he is "thinking" about it. iono, i really want him to say yes, hes awsome and i know id have a great time with him.
i feel utterly miserable, i dont have a b/f and im really tired of guys, like they say they are intreasted and yet arent wat the fuck is that seriously. im way to lonely for my own good.
tonite was ok. i hung out with sam, lauren hill my gangsta thug of a sister, a cool girl named kim, john something, Tink, and dayna for a bit it was nice we went to the carnival at walt whitman mall then to the park in north port.
then i went to theresas to go get crunked, but she had her toungue down someones throut and i didnt want to see it nor be around it, so i just left.
i really am trying to be happy, im trying to be strong it just isnt working to well..im crying non-stop and i dont know what to do....
i just need someone to take this pain away, someone who will actually care about me...someone to love and who loves me back.
i got nothing.
IM A FAKE IM A FAKE IM A FAKE IM A FAKEIM A FAKE IM A FAKE IM A FAKE IM A FAKEIM A FAKE IM A FAKE IM A FAKE IM A FAKEIM A FAKE IM A FAKE IM A FAKE IM A FAKEIM A FAKE IM A FAKE IM A FAKE IM A FAKEIM A FAKE IM A FAKE IM A FAKE IM A FAKEIM A FAKE IM A FAKE IM A FAKE IM A FAKEIM A FAKE IM A FAKE IM A FAKE IM A FAKEIM A FAKE IM A FAKE IM A FAKE IM A FAKEIM A FAKE IM A FAKE IM A FAKE IM A FAKE
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Wednesday, April 27th, 2005
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Sweet misery give me one last wish,
a wish apon a star, a wish apon my last breath.
a wish that i would.someday..fa d e
after all the years of being strong, and all the tears ive cried
i think i deserve this, a funeral in the rain.
and its not what you think,
i just want it all to end
and in my final breath, i'll apologize.
cause im so sorry, can you ever forgive me.
im so sorry, it had to end like this.
i didn't mean to do it, my hand..just kind of slipped.
and dont cry over me, those tears would be wasted.
betrayl has never tasted as bittersweet as these tears.
this will be the last time, i allow you to..stab me..in the back.
so free me of this mortal coil.
its my final wish.
free me of my mortal sins, its my departing gift.
a gift of life, after a sweet goodbye.
and goodbye it might be, sooner or later
goodbye my bittersweet romance with life.
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sometimes i really wonder what makes me get up in the morning, when i know the day is going to bring another horrible event and everything is going to hurt.
i dont really know whats going on in my life lately, i think god should grant me one wish for the misery that ive been put through, i should just allowed to be struck by lightning.
my life has been really hard, and im so tired of having to be strong, and to think of hey..maybe things will get better, cause you know what, that is the biggest line of bullshit that i have ever heard.
NOTHING ever fucking gets better, when one thing is resolved another thing pops up to bit me in the ass.
on that note, IM TIRED OF FCKING BETRAYAL, like someone i really trusted with everyting broke that trust, and now what the fuck do i do, if i cant trust her, who can i trust like seriously..
i know suicide is not the answer, but right now..its really tempting, im so afraid that i might actually go through with it. thats my biggest fear at the moment, i dont know what makes me wake up, what makes me go through the day.
right now, its babylonian, and sam k.. their the only things keeping me here..and ive come to the realization, that i love him..and how much i really rely on him to actually get through my day.
i desperatly love him......for nothing. i get nothing in return but heartache and more suicidal tendacies..and yet im really happy with the situation..i know he loves me, atleast in his own way, but i dont think anyone has a clue of what id do just to be with him..and i stay up at night sometimes wondering why the fuck cant i be waht he wants, and why cant i even have a chance..but i know if anything happeneed id be so happy..but where would i go from their ya know..happy is forign i havnt been it in a really long time..
im so done right now
nite.
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IM a cat in heat,
and baby im on the prowl
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work makes me sick.
im really tired bleh.
i dont know what to do about prom at the moment, two of my good friends arent going and my best friend/prom date doesnt want to go. so iono if im going now, i relaly need to think about this , cause they want to just go tot he city and spend a day their instead of going to prom, its rediculous i know .. iono
leave opinions.
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Saturday, April 16th, 2005
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i feel like crap, everything was going really good, and well now it isnt.
i had a breakdown today, first one in like a year, i thought i was over this.
i thought i was over you.
as much as i like you, i hope i never see ur face, it brings alot of..unwanted emotions, then again i am the thing thats unwanted
i used to feel good about myself and now i just feel like crap, i really hate myself
i always lead myself on. just fuck it.
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] NAME: Corey
[2] BIRTHDAY: july 14
[3] HEIGHT: 5'7"
[4] SHOE SIZE: 9
[5] EYE COLOR: green
[6] HAIR COLOR: red
[7] DONE DRUGS: yea
[8] BEEN ON STAGE: yea.
[9] HAD SEX: yea
[10] BEEN DUMPED: yeah
[11] GOTTEN INTO AN ACCIDENT: fender bender
[12] EATEN AN ENTIRE BOX OF SWEETS: like every day
[13] DYED YOUR HAIR: ive been blonde, black, and green..next is pink.
[14] CHOKED INFRONT OF SOMEONE: no
[15] WENT TO SCHOOL IN YOUR PJ'S: noperr
[16] GOTTEN DETENTION: yea im a bad kid
[17] LIKED SOMEONE SO MUCH THAT MADE YOU CRY: yea.
[18] DO YOU LIKE SOMEONE RIGHT NOW: plead the fifth
[19] DO THEY KNOW: they ignore the problem
[20] WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN THE OPPOSITE SEX: nothing, but in the same sex, have to have a sense of humor, and be caring, and like me for who i am.
[22] COLD / HOT: cold
[23] BLACK / WHITE: black
[24] RAIN / SNOW: snow
[23]GIVE / RECEIVE: give
[26] WOOL / COTTON: cotton
[27] ROSE / DAISY: rose
[28] PRIVATE / PUBLIC SCHOOL: public
[29] PLAIN / CHOCOLATE MILK: CHOC-O-LATE
[30] HISTORY / SCIENCE: science
[31] MATH / ENGLISH: english
[32] SPRING / FALL: spring
[33] ROCK / COUNTRY: rock
[34] PEPSI / COKE: coke
[35] LOVE / LUST: love
[36] EAT / SLEEP: sleep
--------------------------------FRIENDS-------------------------------------
(37) WHO DO YOU SEE THE MOST? theresa
[38] WHO DO YOU WISH TO SEE MORE OFTEN: Jon, karen, dave, trevor, sam.
[39] WHO DO YOU E-MAIL THE MOST: ew no
[40] WHO'S THE LOUDEST: cait or theresa
[41] WHO'S THE SHYEST: me? iono
[42] WHO ARE YOU JEALOUS OF: anyone whose happy
[43] WHO GOTS THE BEST ROOM: umm...
[44] WHO'S THE HORNIEST: hard one..hahha
[45] WHO DO YOU TRUST THE MOST: Jon, theresa, sam, karen
[46] WHO KNOWS YOU THE BEST: jon and theresa
[47] WHO'S YOUR BEST FRIEND(s): JoN
[48] WHO DO YOU HAVE SERIOUS TALKS WITH: theresa jon and karen and sam
[49] WHO GETS ALONG W/ YOUR PARENTS: no one.
[50] WHO HUGGED YOU THE MOST: jon?
[51] WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST: jon karen dave
[52] FOUGHT W/ YOU THE MOST: dave
[53] WHO ARGUES W/ YOU THE MOST: theresa and jon
[54] FAVORITE FRIENDS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX: another one that ill let every1 figure out on thier own
[55] IS MOST LIKELY TO BECOME A MODEL: jon, iono
[56] HAVE KNOWN YOU THE LONGEST: theresa
[57] DO YOU KNOW MOST ABOUT? theresa and jon
----------------------DO YOU LIKE TO:---------------------------------------
[58] GIVE HUGS: hell yeah
[59] GIVE BACK RUBS:yuppers
[60] TAKE WALKS IN THE RAIN: its fun, it hides the tears
[61] WATCH TV? when i have time
[62] GO TO THE BEACH: yeah!!!
[63] DO HOMEWORK: ....
[64] PLAY IN THE SNOW: before i freeze, yes
[65] WORK OUT: yea.
[66] TALK ON THE PHONE: yeah
[67] STAY UP ALL NIGHT TALKIN TO A FRIEND: yup
[68] GO ONLINE: im addicted
[69] BE KISSED: ...
[70] DO WEIRD / FREAKY THINGS:yea
[71] BE WILD: hahaha
--------------------HAVE YOU EVER:----------------------------------
[72] BEEN TO A CONCERT: yuper
[73] BEEN OUT OF STATE: yeah
[74] GONE SKINNY DIPPING? once or twice
[75] RAN ROUND NAKED: hahah i plead the fifth
[76] BROKEN A BONE: not yet
[77] CHEATED ON A TEST: yeah my sats haha
[78] RAN A MARATHON: nope to lazy
[79] MET A FAMOUS PERSON: iono
[80] BOUGHT SOMETHING AND SOLD IT: iI bought lemonade mix, made lemonade and then sold it. Does that count?
81] STOLE FROM SOMEWHERE: random
[82] STALKED SOMEONE: never
---------------------------YOUR LOVE LIFE:----------------------------------
[83] SINGLE OR TAKEN: single
[84] IF YOU WERE TO GO OUT WITH ANYONE, WHO: ....
[85] HAVE YOU EVER HAD AN ONLINE RELATIONSHIP: not really
[86] LONGEST RELATIONSHIP: 5 months, but it was with a girl
[87] LAST PERSON YOU KISSED: ...danny?
---------------------------EXTRA EXTRA:---------------------------------------
[88] BAD HABITS:smoking, cursing, and not doing what i should.
[89] MAKES YOU MAD: being lied to, people who chew like cows.
[90] SCARIEST MOMENTS: flying home from florida and then it being to bad to land, so we had to fly to atlantic city, and the flight was so rough and i was sooo scared especially when the plane dropped like 10 feet and it feelt like we were in free fall for a split second.
[91] WHERE ARE YOU: family room
[92] ARE YOU WEARIN ANY JEWLERIES: nope
[93] LAST TIME YOU SHOWERED? this morning
[94] WHAT COLOR ARE YOUR PANTS: black or blue cant tell
[95] WHAT SONG ARE YOU LISTENIN TO RIGHT NOW?: out tonight-rent
[96] LAST THING YOU SAID: i swear im fine..
[97] COMPUTER DESK IS MADE OF: crap.
[98] LAST THING YOU ATE: mcdonalds
[99] WHAT YOU REALLY WANNA DO RIGHT NOW: die.
[100] WHAT COLOR OF CRAYON WOULD YOU WANNA BE: tink pink.
and...
1) what is your astrological sign?
Cancer, well yea
2) are you single or taken?
single ha
3) are you in love?
..
4)Have you ever been in love?
yea
5) have you ever been seriously hurt by the person you loved?
yea
6) what would be your reason if you turned suicidal?
my life as it is right now
7) is suicide really killing yourself?
no.
8) country or classic?
classic
9) prefer cute/idiot or smart/ugly?
cute/idiot as long as its a idiot as in a cute way.
11) you'd expect a text message usually from:
NO ONE.
12) do you have a best friend that is in the opposite gender?
yeah
13) what do you like doing when you're depressed?
listen to depressing music, smoke, and just hide.
14) cheerful or boring?
cheerful
15) describe your perfect date:
being happy. thats all i need
17) will you ever make the same mistakes again with love?
of course
18) ever hated anyone like hell?
yes.
19) do you do anything when a person breaks up with you after one day?
nooooo commment hahahhahahahahh :)
20) give one word that best decribes what you're feeling right now:
LoNlEy
21) do you believe in yourself?
never
22) ever physically hurt yourself?
yes.
23) ever verbally hurt yourself?
all the time.
24) what is your motto in life?
sinners are unaware of their own sins
25) have you ever doubted that motto?
nope
30) are you difficult to wake up?
Yeah, well reluctant to get out of bed at least
31) how often do you sleep?
whenever i get the change, which isnt that much
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angelicdevil276's journal
Emo.